It Is Well

When peace like a river, attendeth my way,

When sorrows like sea billows roll;

Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,

It is well, it is well, with my soul.

This has long been one of my favorite hymns (I have a few!)...but it wasn't until recently that I learned that when Horatio G. Spafford first pinned these words that it was at a time of great personal sorrow!  It's so easy to say, "It is well" when we are in the midst of peaceful river times...when everything is going just as we think it should.  It's much harder to utter those words when the storms of life come to make the journey hard!

As a foster parent, I've waded through both peaceful waters and stormy seas. When I pick a newborn baby up from the hospital, have a child snuggle up next to me, or see the kids playing sweetly with each other...those are peaceful waters when everything seems right with the world.  When I see a foster child overcome an anger issue or reach another milestone, I can easily say that all is right with the world.  But when I have to let a child go back to an environment that I don't feel is best for them or have birth parents say nasty things to me, it's like stormy sea billows all around me! When my front door feels like it practically rotates like a revolving door because of the case managers, licensing specialists, GAL's, and other professionals related to my foster children are seemingly always coming over, it can be a little overwhelming, to say the least.  It's in these moments the pressure of it all can cause me to make declarations that I'm going to quit, never do this again!  But, the storms never last and before long, I'm playing in peaceful waters again and all really is well with my soul!  I know I'm doing what I need to do because this is what God has called me to do!  And until He says I'm done, then I'll keep doing what He's called me to do...care for the orphans!

Right now, I'm in a peaceful place for the most part.  We just (finally!) finalized the adoption of our daughter who has been with us (for the most part) since she was 18 months old...she's now 5 years old!  It was a long, hard fight & one I didn't think would ever come to an end!  I often joked with the case manager that it was the case that never ends...it just goes on and on my friend (just like the song that's running through your head right now)!  ;)  But, it did come to an end and we are finally starting to see some positive changes in her behavior now that she is settled and there is some real normalcy for her!  And our two remaining foster babies are settled for awhile and doing well.  We have court dates coming up in March & May, which could bring about some changes for them...but until then, we are just doing life with them!

Some of my foster parent friends, though, are going through the storms of foster care. Some are being faced with the reality that birth parents hold pretty much most of the cards when it comes to how the case will end.  One child, who the foster parents had been told early on would most likely be adopted by them, is being reunited...and there are some concerns.  Another child, who has been in the foster care system for most of his life, is continuing to linger there while a birth parent pulls out every appeal possible to delay the inevitable.  Other foster parents are fighting battles of a more personal nature...attacks on how they parent, what they post on social media, and accusations of abuse.  Between my years as a foster parent when I was single and my current fostering journey with my husband, I have faced most of these stormy times at one time or another.  They are NO FUN!  And while in the moment I may find it hard to say, "It is well with my soul," when I take time in the midst of the storm to kneel at the feet of Jesus and bring Him my concerns, He gives me the ability to see that it is indeed well with my soul!  

You see, I cannot do this fostering thing without Him!  He is my strength.  He calms my storms!  I was asked awhile back by a friend if I ever cried when a child left.  She was experiencing loss from a child reunited and a mutual friend (who is not fostering) told her that she shouldn't foster anymore because it caused her such grief.  When she asked me the question, I was caught off guard...and yet, it confirmed the impression so many people have of those called to be foster parents...that we somehow have a unique ability not to get attached to the kids placed in our care!  I shared with my friend that day that I don't just cry...I blubber a big ugly cry every single time a child leaves my home!  It does not matter if that child has spent a few days or a few years with us, or if I agree with the reason the child is leaving or not...the loss is very real!  There have been kids that left my home to be reunited with a mother who has allowed me to mentor her and speak truth into her life...and I am thrilled for all of them.  And yet, I cry for the loss of not getting to see those kids every day when I wake up and tuck them into bed every night before I go to sleep.  I mourn the years that will pass without them in my life and the likelihood that they may never remember me.   There have been times when a child or children have left my home to be with a sibling or family member...and I've mourned them for the same reasons.  And yes, there have been times when a child has left my home for a reason I didn't agree with...and those are the hardest to accept.  But, even in those times, I have to trust that God knew before that child was ever born that they would live with me for a short time and then move onward to another home (or homes)...and that He has allowed it all for a purpose bigger than I can even begin to imagine!

Fostering does not always make sense.  It does not always feel good.  Sometimes there are more sea storms than their are peaceful rivers.  But even considering the storms, I can say it is all worthwhile!  You see, while I signed up for all this...not one child placed in my home did.  They did not ask to be born to an alcoholic, or a drug abuser, or an abusive and/or neglectful parent.  They did not ask to be born at all.  And they certainly didn't ask to be removed from the only home they have ever known!  You see, even the kids pulled out of the most abusive and/or neglectful situation, that is their normal...and they long for it back.  And when they start to really enjoy the more peaceful and nurturing environment of the foster home, it brings about conflict within their heart...and it is not well with their soul.  They love their birth parents, but they recognize that what they have in the foster home is better...and it can cause turmoil that results in negative behaviors.  This is where I come in as a foster parent and help them realize that they can still love their birth parents (even if I don't like them one bit) and recognize that the safety and nurturing they enjoy in my home is better than the turmoil of the home they came from...and help them to find that peaceful place where they can also say it is well with their soul, too!  <3