Giving Thanks

Today is Thanksgiving...a national holiday set aside to remember to be thankful.  Many businesses are closed, many families that maybe haven't seen each other all year are gathering together and spending time together.  When I was a little girl, Thanksgiving was the time I could count on seeing extended family that I didn't get to see as often as I would like.  Usually on the Saturday after Thanksgiving, we would all gather at Uncle Harold & Aunt Ann's house with all the extended family on my maternal grandmother's side (Harold is my grandmother's brother) for a feast and fun!  Each family brought a dish (or a few) to share and soon a prayer would be said over the meal and a line would form to fill our plates with all the southern hospitality goodness that lined the kitchen counters and the extra table set up to hold the abundance of desserts.  There were even two kinds of dressing...one with and one without onions - both equally good (I may or may not have taken a little of both on one or more occasions...you know, just to know which is better. wink. wink).  After our bellies were as stuffed full and round, we gathered together and someone always had a fun game to play.  Before long, the Iron Bowl was turned on and while it was mostly the men watching while the ladies cleaned up, us grandchildren (mostly girls at the time) always seemed to find a way into the arms of an uncle, dad, or grandfather and watched Alabama and Auburn fight it out on the football field.  Precious memories!

Now that I live in Florida and have a multitude of children (ok...it's usually only 5 or 6 at a time, but sometimes it feels like a multitude!), gathering for Thanksgiving isn't as easy as it was when everyone lived no more than a 2 hour drive away from each other.  Those that are still up there still gather together, though now on Thanksgiving Day, and we join in when we can.  Usually we have Thanksgiving at home because David's mom is not able to travel far now and we are the only family she has here.  David usually picks up his mom and brings her to our home for the Thanksgiving meal and then I take her home before starting my Black Friday shopping.  Yep...I admit it.  I'm a Black Friday shopper!  That has it's own precious memory for me.  I remember when I was younger, stores started opening at midnight on Black Friday.  I remember my grandmother, aunt, mom, and me standing outside of Walmart, waiting for them to open and getting such a thrill out of being out that late!  Even today, as I head out to do my Black Friday shopping, I remember those sweet memories of us "Till girls" going out together!

But sweet memories and shopping aside, I really want to focus on what I am thankful for this year.  Because there is so much!  This year has had it's ups and downs...and I believe that it has been a great example of Romans 8:28...because even though everything that happened hasn't been great, it has all worked out for good (or is being worked out for good)!  This morning, as I got in the shower, the song "Give Thanks" was playing in my head.  Perhaps because my preschooler & kindergartner had sung that song in church this past weekend with their choir, and maybe because today is Thanksgiving, but for whatever reason, it was there.  I checked my songs list on my phone but it wasn't there, so I found it on YouTube.  If you listen to songs or watch videos on YouTube, you know that as soon as one finishes, another starts playing automatically.  The next song on the list was "God Will Make A Way" and immediately I was transported back in time two years.

Two Thanksgivings ago, we had an empty seat at our table.  Our sweet Princess L had left us the day before.  Despite her Case Manager and Guardian ad Litem expressing concerns, the judge decided she should be reunited with her biological mother.  Princess L was our first placement had had been with us more than half of her life.  On that Thanksgiving, I wasn't sure I would ever see her again.  I had a pretty good relationship with her mother...but I still wasn't sure she would follow through on staying in touch.  However, just a little more than 3 months later, we got a few phone calls letting us know that Princess L was coming back into the system.  We had six kids in our home at that time.  We had taken in 2 year old twins who were waiting to go to a grandmother in Texas (one of whom is autistic) and our newly adopted son (who had also been our foster son) had a new baby sister that had joined our family just five days before.  I clearly remember the placement coordinator telling me on the phone that no one wanted to place Princess L anywhere other than our home and me telling her that I didn't want her to go anywhere else!  And so, another waiver was given and we were suddenly a family of nine!

A family friend in a nearby county eventually took the twins and will soon finalize their adoption in to their family.  Their soon-to-be adoptive mom and I are now Facebook friends and I get to watch them grow up as a result.  They are right where they need to be!  About three months after Princess L re-joined our family, we learned that family of the baby's father wanted to adopt her and that they had arranged a private adoption (therefore taking her out of the foster care system).  At the time, that was a very difficult time...one that almost ended my desire to continue fostering.  But over the last year and a half, I've enjoyed a relationship with that adoptive mom through text messages and phone calls.  They live in a different state, but that adoptive mom has most of her family here where we live.  This week, they are here to celebrate Thanksgiving and I was able to see the sweet baby that we'd dubbed "Sissy" again...only she's not such a baby anymore!  She's a very independent toddler!  As I watched her interact with her sister (whom she calls Sissy) and our kids, I realized that she is also exactly where she needs to be.  Her mom and I strengthened our friendship as we sat and chatted together like there had never been a stressful day between us.    For these girls and their adoptive families, I am so very thankful.  I'm thankful to have been a stopping point on their journey from their birth families to their adoptive families.  I'm thankful that I still get to have a small part in their lives.  I'm thankful that my family has expanded to include the ones they were adopted into!

So...what of Princess L, you may ask.  Well, that's another thing I am very thankful for this Thanksgiving!  Because even though it seemed like there was no way she would be part of our family two years ago, God did make a way.  And we are currently waiting on our own court date to finalize her adoption and make her permanently part of our family (hopefully before Christmas)!  We still have a good relationship with her birth mom, her siblings, and the paternal grandparents of her brothers.  In fact, just last weekend, after my "twinkies" (as I call my JJ & Princess L because they are only 4 months apart in age but have always acted like twins) sang in church, we went out to lunch with Princess L's 5 siblings, her birth mom, and the boys' paternal grandparents to celebrate Princess L's birthday.  And so, I am thankful that not only will Princess L be a permanent part of our family, but she will never have to worry about loving both her birth mom and me.  God has given me a unique vision due to my own childhood to realize that I cannot erase the memories of her birth family...nor would I want to.  They are every bit as much a part of who she is as our family is. 

There have been many things to be thankful for this year.  We had a brother and sister successfully reunited with their mother at the beginning of the year and are doing very well together!  This mom took the things she learned through foster parenting and through me mentoring her and has applied them to her life.  This is how foster care is supposed to work.  Parents learn from their mistakes and do better...and when this happens, the family can be put back together better than it was before!

We also survived Hurricane Irma with little damage to our homes.  Some personal growth came for me during that storm, as well.  I had my first ever panic attack before we left because there was so much I couldn't take with me and was afraid would not be here when I returned...things that could not be replaced because their sentimental value was so much greater than their financial value!  But through this storm, my perspective on so many things changed.  Not only do I look at material things differently, but I also learned to say the hard things.  I'm too much of a people pleaser...trying to make everyone happy.  But often, that can cause more hurt feelings than just being honest.  And so, one of my goals for 2018 is to be more honest...not brutally honest, because I still don't want to hurt anyone, but to stop being so afraid to say something because the other person might possibly be offended!  ;)

As I wrap this blog up, so many wonderful things are running through my mind.  So many things I'm thankful for that would take way too long to post.  Things you probably don't have any interest in anyway.  But let me just say that I  am so thankful for my family...both the one I was born into and those who have been added through marriage, adoption, foster care, and friendships!  I pray this Thanksgiving finds you looking for things to be thankful for, even if there are things in your life right now that are hard.  We can always find problems if we look hard enough...and we can become bitter by dwelling on those problems.  But THANKFULLY, we can also find blessings if we look hard enough...and that will lead to a thankful heart!