This is the story of two bio moms who had similar backgrounds but made very different choices once their children were brought into foster care. Both had been foster children themselves. Neither had a strong support system. Both love their children very much. Both made poor choices that put their children in danger. Both had their children removed from their care and placed in foster care. Both experienced reunification with their children, and then because of further poor choices had their children removed a second time. Both of them have had my husband and me as their children's foster parents and have had the opportunity to be mentored by us. But this is where the similarities end. Due to privacy reasons, I will call them Annie and Pippi Longstockings (fictional orphaned characters that I believe fit their individual personalities).
Annie is a little scrappy and has certainly made some unwise choices in her life, but the second removal of her children was a definitely a wake-up call for her. She realized the changes she needed to make if she wanted to keep her children and promptly began working the case plan she was given without argument. She found someone in her life who has been a great support and encouragement to her (other than me). In a matter of months, she had her case plan completed and as a result, will most likely be reunited with her children soon. She has been very receptive to the mentoring I have provided and has even sought out my help while on an unsupervised visit when she didn't know what to do. I feel very good about her children being reunified with her and don't expect they will return to the system again.
Pippi, however, has spent the whole time her children have been in care arguing that she's done nothing wrong and fighting the system. She has completed very little of her case plan and yet still expects the court to see things her way. I have offered to be her support and there have been times when she's been accepting of it...or at least it seemed so. And yet, there are indications she is trying to play me just as she is trying to play the system. She has excuses for everything and nothing is ever her fault. Some excuses that many people joke about, she has given as serious reasons for her failures. She has gone so far as to accuse others of trying to frame her in order to take away her parental rights. Pippi lives in her own fantasy world, believing that everyone should see things as she does. And, at least on some level, she has drawn her judge into her fantasy world enough for her first reunification and she fully believes it will happen again. And it could...or it could go very differently.
So, why am I writing about this? Because this system we have is very broken. Nothing is as simple as it is in the movies. If this were a Lifetime Movie (or any other movie, for that matter), it would end with Annie getting her children back as soon as she completed her case plan (she didn't) and Pippi's parental rights being terminated (they haven't been). Court is coming up for Annie and I will be there to support her and to plead with the judge to allow her children to return to her as soon as possible. I am excited about their reunification...because this is, for the most part, how the system is supposed to work. Children are removed because of a dangerous situation. Parents do what they need to do to correct that situation, and children are returned to their parents, with a stronger family bond than had ever existed before.
But, it doesn't always work this way. A little girl continues to spend more than half of her life in foster care while a judge gives way too many chances to a mom who continues to fail to do what she needs to do. It frustrates me. At times, it even angers me. Sometimes, I even want to give up and throw in the towel. It's at those times that I'm most thankful for my faith in God! Because without His gentle nudging to remind me that I'm doing this for Him and not for anyone else, I would have given up a long time ago. Actually, without His nudging, I wouldn't even be fostering again at all. You see, twenty years or so ago when three precious children were returned to a home I knew wasn't safe for them, I said I was DONE! I was NEVER, EVER going to foster again...it hurt TOO MUCH! And I meant it! In fact, when God first starting nudging my heart about fostering with my husband, I argued with Him. I reminded Him about my "never, ever" proclamation...and He gently reminded me that He has a plan...and that His plan included David & I fostering together.
Do I regret fostering again? If I'm completely honest, yes...there are days. But more days than not, I'm thankful I listened to the Lord's leading of my heart. Because I let God lead me back into fostering, I have met many wonderful people. I've made friends with case managers, family support workers, a placement coordinator, and licensing specialists I probably never would have met otherwise! I've met many bio parents and their children who have taught me things about myself that probably would have gone unnoticed or unrealized otherwise. I have seen the deep need for foster parents right here in Paradise (as this place where I live is affectionately called)...and I've realized what a mission field it really is! I don't have to go to a third world country to find people who are hurting and in need of Jesus...they come right to my home in the form of foster children and I meet them in court and at visits in the form of bio parents. And they all need Jesus as much as the starving children in Africa! These children that come into my home are also starving...if not physically, then emotionally and/or spiritually! It is my joy to allow God to use me to meet the needs of these children, as well as their bio parents if possible.
I meet a lot more Pippi Longstocking types doing this gig than I do Annie types...but it's the Annies of foster care that encourage me and help me believe that it really is worth it...that it CAN work! And even if I never see another Annie in my foster care journey, I'll still know it was all worth it because for however long these children are in my home, they know without a doubt that they are loved unconditionally! I can rest easy knowing I've provided a safe home, love, and care for a child in need during the hardest time of their life. Every child in my home, whether permanent or temporary, is treated equally...they are all my babies! And they always will be! :)
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