This morning, I was reduced to tears by a single little Peppa Pig pink sneaker. The tears came from a heart struggling with a mixture of very different, yet connected emotions...happy for a family reunited, sad for a very real loss that our family is dealing with right now. Yesterday, two of our sweet foster babies, a 2 1/2 year old little girl (whom the shoe belongs to) and her 10 month old little brother, were reunited with their mom. This young mom had done everything she was asked to do (and then some) in order to earn back the right to parent her children. This has been one of the best success stories I have ever had the privilege to be a part of...and I couldn't be more thrilled for this reunited family! In my heart of hearts, I know they will make it! Are they perfect? Well, no...but neither am I! Will they still make mistakes, I'm sure they will...but who doesn't? There's not a doubt in my mind that this mom loves her children enough to make whatever sacrifices she needs to make so that she's never separated from her children again until they go off to college!
And yet...the loss our family feels is as real as the loss someone feels over the death of a loved one. We are not super human people who do not feel the pain. The number one response I hear when people learn that we are foster parents is, "Oh! I could NEVER do that...I would get too attached!" Well, I'm here to tell you, we DO get attached...and that attachment doesn't end just because a judge says so. Even if I'm totally 100% in support of them going back home. Even when I know it's what's best for the kids. Even then...my heart hurts from the loss I feel. And I see the loss in my family, too. I see my preteen hide under his headphones & refuse to come outside when the mom picks up the kids...and I know it's because he's afraid to cry over the loss he feels. I recognize my 4 year old foster daughter's struggle to settle down & go to sleep is a reflection of the loss she's feeling now that her roommate is gone. I see my 4 year old have a total meltdown and cling to me as if his very life depended on it when I drop him off at preschool this morning...and realize only after I walk out the front door that his antics might be related to the loss he's feeling. I hear my 3 year old ask if "Smiley" (as we called the baby) is on a visit because that's been the norm for the last couple of months as we've moved toward reunification & he hasn't quite yet grasped the idea that they won't be back in a day or two...but I know that realization will come. Yes, the loss is very real...and it's only because we DID get very attached to these precious children that we feel this loss. But, no sympathy cards will be sent and no meals will be planned to help us through this loss because they were "just a couple of foster kids" - as if that means they weren't really part of our family to begin with.
But, let me share something with you...each child that enters our home very much becomes a part of our family...with every bit the love and excitement of a newborn baby! Sure...there will be no showers of blessings, no celebrations of their lives, and no meals prepared to offset the stress of their arrival...but there will be arms wrapped around them in love, toys eagerly shared, invitations to go outside and play, and proclamations of their sibling status to anyone who will listen! Soon, we will get yet another call and a new child/children will enter our home to fill the space left by these two who recently left. I know without a shadow of doubt that they will be loved with abandon by every single member of our family! I've seen it happen over and over with each new arrival. As hard as it is when a child leaves our home, the joy a new foster sibling brings with their arrival, and the love that's shared while they are with us far outweigh the momentary pain we feel when they leave.
But more importantly than what we as a foster family go through as children flow in and out of our home, is the very real impact that we have the opportunity to make...not only on the child in our home, but on their biological family as well. Each child who enters our home is met with immediate and unconditional love...for some of them, it's their first time experiencing that kind of love. Some of them don't quite know how to accept that love...especially at first. But, it usually doesn't take long for them to come to depend on that love...and even enjoy it. To watch a child go from somber and sad to joyous and free is the best feeling in the world! It's not always easy to make that transition, but it is always worth it! For some of their parents, meeting the family who is doing what they couldn't (caring for their children) is a very intimidating and frustrating time. Some of them avoid us, while others are surprised that we are there to love on them as well, rather than to judge them...and as they begin to trust us, they allow us to speak into their lives and share the love that Christ has so freely given to us. We have an opportunity to mentor them, to love on them, and to come alongside them and help them be the parents they need (and often want) to be for their children. When they accept this, as was the case of this most recent reunited family, it truly is a success story...the way this system is supposed to work! And it makes every frustration we've experienced all worth while!
So...while this little left behind shoe brought tears of sadness over our loss this morning, they also brought tears of joy for the success story I was blessed to be a part of! And just like my feelings for the little girl this shoe belongs to and her brother, a part of my heart wanted to hold on to this shoe forever...but a bigger part knew that it needed to be returned to its rightful owner, so I sent off a text message to the mom with the above picture to let her know I found the shoe. ;)
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