The Tale of Two Bio Moms...and the Foster Mom Who Loves Their Children

This is the story of two bio moms who had similar backgrounds but made very different choices once their children were brought into foster care.  Both had been foster children themselves.  Neither had a strong support system.  Both love their children very much.  Both made poor choices that put their children in danger.  Both had their children removed from their care and placed in foster care.  Both experienced reunification with their children, and then because of further poor choices had their children removed a second time.  Both of them have had my husband and me as their children's foster parents and have had the opportunity to be mentored by us. But this is where the similarities end.  Due to privacy reasons, I will call them Annie and Pippi Longstockings (fictional orphaned characters that I believe fit their individual personalities).

Annie is a little scrappy and has certainly made some unwise choices in her life, but the second removal of her children was a definitely a wake-up call for her.  She realized the changes she needed to make if she wanted to keep her children and promptly began working the case plan she was given without argument.   She found someone in her life who has been a great support and encouragement to her (other than me).  In a matter of months, she had her case plan completed and as a result, will most likely be reunited with her children soon.  She has been very receptive to the mentoring I have provided and has even sought out my help while on an unsupervised visit when she didn't know what to do.  I feel very good about her children being reunified with her and don't expect they will return to the system again.

Pippi, however, has spent the whole time her children have been in care arguing that she's done nothing wrong and fighting the system.  She has completed very little of her case plan and yet still expects the court to see things her way.  I have offered to be her support and there have been times when she's been accepting of it...or at least it seemed so.  And yet, there are indications she is trying to play me just as she is trying to play the system.  She has excuses for everything and nothing is ever her fault.  Some excuses that many people joke about, she has given as serious reasons for her failures.  She has gone so far as to accuse others of trying to frame her in order to take away her parental rights.  Pippi lives in her own fantasy world, believing that everyone should see things as she does.  And, at least on some level, she has drawn her judge into her fantasy world enough for her first reunification and she fully believes it will happen again.  And it could...or it could go very differently.

So, why am I writing about this?  Because this system we have is very broken.  Nothing is as simple as it is in the movies.  If this were a Lifetime Movie (or any other movie, for that matter), it would end with Annie getting her children back as soon as she completed her case plan (she didn't) and Pippi's parental rights being terminated (they haven't been).  Court is coming up for Annie and I will be there to support her and to plead with the judge to allow her children to return to her as soon as possible.  I am excited about their reunification...because this is, for the most part, how the system is supposed to work.  Children are removed because of a dangerous situation.  Parents do what they need to do to correct that situation, and children are returned to their parents, with a stronger family bond than had ever existed before.

But, it doesn't always work this way.  A little girl continues to spend more than half of her life in foster care while a judge gives way too many chances to a mom who continues to fail to do what she needs to do.  It frustrates me.  At times, it even angers me.  Sometimes, I even want to give up and throw in the towel.  It's at those times that I'm most thankful for my faith in God!  Because without His gentle nudging to remind me that I'm doing this for Him and not for anyone else, I would have given up a long time ago.  Actually, without His nudging, I wouldn't even be fostering again at all.  You see, twenty years or so ago when three precious children were returned to a home I knew wasn't safe for them, I said I was DONE!  I was NEVER, EVER going to foster again...it hurt TOO MUCH!  And I meant it!  In fact, when God first starting nudging my heart about fostering with my husband,  I argued with Him.  I reminded Him about my "never, ever" proclamation...and He gently reminded me that He has a plan...and that His plan included David & I fostering together.

Do I regret fostering again?  If I'm completely honest, yes...there are days.  But more days than not, I'm thankful I listened to the Lord's leading of my heart.  Because I let God lead me back into fostering, I have met many wonderful people.  I've made friends with case managers, family support workers, a placement coordinator, and licensing specialists I probably never would have met otherwise!  I've met many bio parents and their children who have taught me things about myself that probably would have gone unnoticed or unrealized otherwise.  I have seen the deep need for foster parents right here in Paradise (as this place where I live is affectionately called)...and I've realized what a mission field it really is!  I don't have to go to a third world country to find people who are hurting and in need of Jesus...they come right to my home in the form of foster children and I meet them in court and at visits in the form of bio parents.  And they all need Jesus as much as the starving children in Africa!  These children that come into my home are also starving...if not physically, then emotionally and/or spiritually!  It is my joy to allow God to use me to meet the needs of these children, as well as their bio parents if possible.

I meet a lot more Pippi Longstocking types doing this gig than I do Annie types...but it's the Annies of foster care that encourage me and help me believe that it really is worth it...that it CAN work!  And even if I never see another Annie in my foster care journey, I'll still know it was all worth it because for however long these children are in my home, they know without a doubt that they are loved unconditionally!  I can rest easy knowing I've provided a safe home, love, and care for a child in need during the hardest time of their life.  Every child in my home, whether permanent or temporary, is treated equally...they are all my babies!  And they always will be!  :)

Full Circle

This is one of those foster care stories that you love to hear about!  But for a long time, I didn't know if this day would ever come!  Let me tell you about what God can do through foster care!

Twenty some-odd years ago, as a single adult with no prospects of marriage but a deep desire to be a mom, I decided to open my home to foster children.  Not long after that, I got a call about some precious children who needed a home.  There were three siblings, a 4 year old little girl and her brothers who were 2 and 8 months at the time.  They had a foster home for the baby, but needed a placement for the older two.  I eagerly agreed and that night, around 10 or 11pm, the 4 year old showed up on my doorstep with her case manager.  They had dropped off her baby brother first, the middle child was in the hospital as a result of the abuse that brought them into care.  Tears streamed down this precious girl's face and she desperately needed a mother's love and care...and yet, she could not be consoled for quite some time.  You see, that baby they had just dropped off was HER baby in her eyes, as she had been the primary caretaker in the home.  And like any mother who was forced to leave her baby behind, she was grieving.

When her 2 year old brother was released from the hospital a week or so later, he joined us and over time, we became family.  The two of them lived with me for around 2 years...at one point being sent to the other foster home so they could be with their baby brother, and then because of an incident there, all three came to live with me in my two-bedroom apartment.  It was a crazy time in my life, but I wouldn't have traded it for anything!  So many happy memories during this time of them being in my home.  Friends, birthday parties, school, and church...so many wonderful memories!

And then, one day I got the fateful call that broke my heart.  These children were being reunited with their parents.  I'm not sure if it was the state I lived in at the time or because that was the mindset back then, but I was not included in any decisions that affected these children.  No one asked me about my concerns for their safety, which I had plenty.  They had, however, previously asked me if I would be willing to adopt them if that became the plan for their future, and I readily agreed!  In my heart of hearts, these kids were (and still are!) MY kids.  And yet, I was now having to send them back to the very people who had neglected and abused them.  However, I had built a bit of a relationship with these parents and had arranged to have the kids spend one or two weekends a month with me after they were reunited.  I would drive an hour after work to the home where the kids lived with their parents, pick them up and return to my apartment.  Friday night, the kids got baths, we ordered pizza, and we watched a video I had rented for them.  Saturday we had a day of fun...and after church on Sunday, I would return them to their parents' home.  This went on for several months...and then one day, it was if they dropped off the face of the earth.  And I never heard from them again, despite my many attempts to find out how they were, until....

In the gap between losing contact and being reunited, these kids remained ever in my heart and in my thoughts & prayers.  I kept my phone number as long as I lived in Alabama in the hopes they would make contact.  And when I moved to Florida after completing my teaching degree, my heart ached as I remembered promising to take them to Florida when I finished school (and I would have, if only we hadn't lost contact).  Many times I would wake up in tears after having dreamed about them because the loss was as real as losing a child to death.  Though my husband had never met them at the time, he felt as though he knew them through my stories of their time with me.  People in my church also heard the stories and loved these kids they had never met almost as much as I did.

So, fast forward to a spring day in 2014.  I'm sitting at my computer, checking Facebook & I notice an "others" folder.  So, I check it out...and a message there changed my life.  It was just a few sentences long, but enough to know that God had granted my hearts desire.  After years of searching and longing, my sweet foster daughter had found me on Facebook...though even she wasn't sure she had found me.  Moments later, my husband walked by to see me sitting at the computer with tears pouring down my face.  With great concern on his face, he asked what was wrong, but I could not speak.  I could only point to the computer and smile through my tears.  Tears that are finding their way down my cheek even as I type this now.

Ironically, we already had a trip scheduled that would take us through the town where she and her family now lived.  Immediately, we altered our plans to include an overnight stop there.  She and her family met us at a local restaurant where I was able to finally wrap my arms around her and meet her children.  When I complemented her on how well behaved her children are, she simply said, "Well...everything I learned about being a mom, I learned from you!"  To this day, those words still bless my heart.  I would not have thought that I could have possibly impacted her life that much between the tender ages of 4 & 6...and yet, I had.  She recalled things we did together that I had forgotten, but had meant a lot to her...and I did the same for her, filling in gaps of her past that she did not know.  It was a beautiful time that ended way too soon.

Two years later, she and her husband decided they wanted to exchange wedding vows in a formal ceremony and chose to make the trip to where I live in Florida to do it...and I was able to be the mother of the bride!  As we prepared for the wedding, friends who knew of my love for my former foster daughter and had heard the stories before jumped at the chance to help out with every aspect of the wedding!  A community of Christians came together to love on someone they only knew by the stories of a friend.  My sweet girl had beautiful wedding with all the trimmings and I got to be a part of it!

That night, their six children spent the night with us and our six children at the time so they could have a honeymoon of sorts...twelve children and two adults in one house...and I was feeling so blessed!  Just before they came down, her kids were wondering what to call us.  She asked me, but I told her they could call me whatever they chose...and they chose to call me Nana - which has special meaning to me because that's what we called my precious grandmother.  They decided to call my hubby Papa.  The next morning all twelve kids and their parents had a waffle breakfast at Nana & Papa's house!  I could not be more blessed!

So...on the tough days, when sometimes I wonder if fostering is worth it, I think back on what God did through this child's life.  And then, I know every hard thing I have to do is worth it...and I remember WHY I do it.  I'm not doing it for the state, or the case workers, or even the children (though they are a large part of it)...but mostly, I'm doing it for God's glory!  I am simply being His hands and feet.  And sometimes, He blesses me beyond anything I could ever hope for or imagine and I remember my WHY.  I don't do this for my own glory (goodness knows there's not much of that in fostering).  I don't do this for the state or the fostering agencies or anyone connected with them.  I do this for God...and for HIS glory!  I do this because HE called me to it.  I do this because even when I think I can't handle even one more day with the kids in my home, HE gives me the grace to take in yet another child.  And the cycle continues...sometimes with a full circle moment like this one!

Balance...Is It Possible?

So...I was having a texting conversation with a friend recently and said something about balance and she replied, "Such GREAT wisdom!!!!!  You should blog it!"  Well, what's a girl to do?  ;)  So here I am...blogging it.

To give you a little background, we were talking about my crazy life and how it totally caused me to forget she had something for me.  And my life is crazy.  I have six kids in my home right now...five of them under the age of five!  My oldest is 12...the rest are 4, 3, 2, 2, and 6 months.  Four boys, two girls.  Three permanently ours, one is a foster child who will most likely become ours, and the other two are brother/sister foster children headed toward reunification & I'm doing my best to mentor their bio mom, who was a foster child herself and has no support system.  Oh...and that twelve year old, yeah...I'm homeschooling him.  The 4 year old decided he wanted to "GO to school" so he's in VPK (Voluntary Pre Kindergarten - a program that allows children to attend PK4 at a school of their parents' choosing free of charge, regardless of parental income).  This means I have to drop him off and pick him up from his VPK class (which requires loading everyone one up in the car and then unloading them...well, you get the picture).  And as is the case with foster children, there are visits with bio parents, case managers, Guardian ad Litems, etc. to arrange.  Not to mention doctor visits (including ones requested by a bio parent that are really unnecessary but the case manager emails you to ask you to take them anyway so now you must), extra curricular activities, church responsibilities, and so forth!  So yeah...my life needs balance...or so I thought until this particular conversation.  My friend told me she gave up on finding balance.  That it "is a fake illusion society feeds us."  She called it "unrealistic," a "Fairy world" and said she wasn't sure we should have balance...that "we should have a reckless abandon for Christ."  That's when it hit me!  And I responded with this: 

I guess the only way to have "balance" is to not do the things God called you to do!  I know my life would be a whole lot simpler if I wasn't doing foster care or homeschooling my children (notice I said simpler...NOT better!).  But I don't think saying "No" to God is an option (at least for me)...so I will live my crazy unbalanced life & thank Him for it!

Now, quite honestly, I didn't even realize I said anything that profound (and maybe you are scratching your head wondering what's so profound about it yourself).  Quite honestly, I was tired.  It had been a long frustrating day and I shot off the first thing that came to mind.  But now that my friend took the time to tell me I should blog it, I've had a chance to look back at it and really start to process what I said.

Sure...if I gave up fostering (I'm NOT...at least not until God tells me I'm done!), that would remove a LOT of the aggravation in my life!  No court dates to attend.  No visits to work my schedule around (or rearrange my schedule because they changed the visit schedule AGAIN!).  No bio parents causing me grief because they think making me look bad will bring their children back, totally ignoring the cause their children were removed from them in the first place.  No monthly visits to my home by an assortment of people assigned to the foster children in my home.  No frustrating behaviors being passed from the revolving door of children living with me temporarily to the children I'm permanently responsible for raising.  No phone calls asking if I can take just one more when our home already looks like the little old woman in the shoe lives there!

BUT...if I gave up fostering,  I would also miss the moment a child who has suffered more loss, neglect, or abuse than I can even begin to imagine looks at me and asks if she can call me Mom, almost fearful I'll tell her no.  I would miss loving on the babies and drinking in their sweet newness (not to mention buying & dressing them in those cute little tiny clothes!).  I would miss out on seeing a child so bound up in anger find a way to let go of the rage his biological family inflicted on him because he was "just [their] whipping boy" and watch him blossom into a joy-filled child!  I would miss having the opportunity to invite lost biological parents to church - something they see as simply a bonus visit with their kids, but has the potential to be so much more!  I would miss the chorus of little voices calling "MOMMY!" as they run toward me like I was a celebrity and throw their little pudgy arms around me as if they haven't seen me in forever, when it's only been a few short hours while they slept.

Sure...if I gave up homeschooling (again...I'm NOT until God tells me I'm done!), that would remove some of the arguments between me and my oldest son.  I could simply say, "Do your homework or face the consequences with your teacher and your grades" and move on my merry way.  I would have HOURS of free time that is now devoted to lesson planning, teaching, researching, and nagging said preteen to get his work DONE!  I could send everyone off to school and daycare and look for a part-time job so that our finances wouldn't be so tight.  I could actually go to lunch with a friend without stressing over how many children I'd have to take with me and wondering if it would be worth it!

BUT...if I gave up homeschooling, I would miss out on conversations with my preteen that happen spontaneously from the lessons in his curriculum that never would have happened if he were in school eight hours of the day only to come home to do hours more of homework.  I would have missed out on him finding joy in reading when I let him read books of interest to him rather than just books designed to teach kids to read.  I wouldn't have the privilege of doing read alouds with my middle school age child because days spent surrounded by public school peers might convince him that was just for "babies."  I might miss out on an opportunity to talk about heart issues that might otherwise go unnoticed and left unchecked until it was a much bigger deal.

It's just not worth it to me to trade in the opportunity of loving on children in some of the hardest times of their lives or getting a front row seat in the education of my children for a little less crazy in my life.  There's a famous saying that God doesn't give you any more than you can handle.  Well, I'm here to tell you that's totally false!  He's given me WAY more than I could ever handle on my own...it's what reminds me to lean on His strength.  On my own, I'm weak and unable to do most of what He has given me to do...especially love on these littles with an unguarded heart, knowing full well that my heart will break when they have to leave my home.  I can't do that.  I'm not that strong.  But you know what?  God does it through me.  Every time a child leaves my home...whether I agree with it or not, my heart breaks into a million pieces.  Left to my own devices, I would melt into a puddle on the floor and cry inconsolably for days, maybe months or even years.  I wouldn't be able to pull myself up and move on with my life.  Thankfully, I don't have to.  God picks up every one of those million pieces of my heart and sets them back together, lifting me up in the process and preparing me for the next child that needs my love.  This doesn't mean I don't grieve.  Oh...I do!  Boy, do I grieve!!!  Tears are shed every single time.  Usually the "ugly cry" type of tears.  And sometimes those tears do continue for days because some cases cause more grief than others.  But then I get another call about another child that needs a safe, loving home to go to...and my arms & heart open wide to receive them.  And because of God, I am able to do this over and over.

So no, I may never find "balance" in my life...at least not the balance that the world talks about.  But then again, balance of this world doesn't really bring glory to God.  It brings a self-fulfilling peace. And while that may sound wonderful, I'm here to tell you that the peace that passes all understanding I receive from my Heavenly Father as He asks me to do the hard things is so much better!  I may never be living on Easy Street...but some day, I hope to be walking streets of gold while hearing my Heavenly Father tell me, "Well done, My good and faithful servant."

Thy Will Be Done

"My God is so BIG, so STRONG, and so MIGHTY...there's NOTHING my God cannot do...FOR YOU!"

My four year old has been singing this song a lot lately because they sing it in his preschool class.  I got to thinking about that today and realized what God has been teaching me over the last few months.  Just because God CAN do something does NOT mean he will!

As many of you know, back in March we picked up a newborn baby girl from the hospital that we quickly dubbed "Sissy" because she was the biological half-sister of our youngest son.  He had been our foster child prior to us adopting him the previous November and now he is ours...or as we like to say, he's stuck with us!  We had hopes of adopting his little sister as well, given the track record of their birth mom.  However, three short months later, we found out the Guardian ad Litem (GAL - someone who is supposed to be looking out for the best interest of the CHILD) told the biological parents how they could circumvent the system and have Sissy adopted privately by a family member who lives several states away.

Needless to say, we were heartbroken.  And though we have never fought a decision for one of our foster children before, we felt we needed to fight for the sibling connection.  Not only does this little girl have a brother she shared a home with, but she also has two brothers who were previously adopted by friends of ours and we've made a point of keeping the siblings connected.  So, we researched the laws, asked everyone we knew to pray, and presented our case to the judge.  We were asking God to move a huge mountain we could not move...and we certainly had at least mustard seed faith!  So, I was seriously hopeful that a miracle would happen in that courtroom and Sissy would come home with us.  No miracle occurred & we went home with empty arms.  She was immediately placed in her pre-adoptive home.

So...what happened?  Was God not able to move that mountain?  Was He really not so big and mighty after all?  Though I knew full well He was every bit as big and mighty and able to move any mountain He saw fit to move as He was before I went in that courtroom, I begged Him for answers! I wanted to know why He didn't move MY mountain! Sometimes my begging wasn't quite so reverent as it should be.  Sometimes I was downright angry with Him...and I told Him so!  No need to hide it...He already knew, might as well be honest.  And you know what?  My God is big and mighty enough to handle my anger, my frustrations, my questions, and even my temper tantrums when things don't quite go my way!  And it doesn't change the fact that His ways are higher than mine, either!

We left for vacation the day after Sissy left us.  It was a trip that had already been planned due to a work conference my hubby needed to attend.  It was good timing.  And God knew when the trip was planned months before that we would need to get away at that exact moment and He knew exactly why.  Getting away allowed me time to heal without the constant reminders of what we had lost.  Getting away helped me focus on what was most important...the children still in our family that God had placed there by adoption and/or foster care.  Getting away helped me move forward faster than I ever would have been able to otherwise.

While we were gone, I kept getting emails about a 4 month old boy that needed respite care or possibly a placement with his 2 1/2 year old sister, who was at the time in a different foster home than his placement.  They wanted to place them together.  I kept saying no.  Not because I didn't want to take him.  Not because I was giving up foster care (though the thought did cross my mind several times).  But because we already had 3 boys in the house - all sharing the same bedroom.  There simply was no more room for a boy...except in our bedroom.  Under current licensing rules, a baby under the age of a year can sleep in a crib in the same room as an adult.  So, technically, we COULD take him...at least for 8 months, until his first birthday.  But I feared what would happen to him if he wasn't reunified within those 8 months.  I did not want him to get to be a year old and then have to disrupt him (and potentially his sister) again because we didn't have a place other than our bedroom to put him.  So I said no.  THREE TIMES I said no to this little boy (sound familiar?  I think I may have heard the rooster crow on the 3rd no...or at least I probably should have, given the Bible story where someone else denied someone three times!).

Finally, I gave in to taking the little guy for respite, but promised nothing more.  So, for three weeks, this little guy became a part of our family.  As it turns out, he is just 4 days younger than Sissy, born on my oldest son's 12th birthday.  We dubbed him "Smiley" because he smiles ALL THE TIME (unless, of course, he's hungry, tired, or in need of a diaper change)!  Well, at some point in that 3 week respite Smiley's regular foster parent got accepted to graduate school in Miami, which would mean she could no longer foster Smiley or the other children in her care.  Again, we were asked about taking him as a placement.  And again, I reminded the placement coordinator of our concerns, which had not changed.  It wasn't exactly a no...I was wearing down.  But, before I had to officially decide, the other foster mom decided to wait on graduate school a year.  So, when she returned from her trip, we returned Smiley to her and figured it was done.

But...once again, God had other plans!  A week or so after returning Smiley to his other foster mom, I got yet another call from the placement coordinator asking me to take him as a placement.  Things had changed once again for his other foster mom and she needed to take a break from fostering.  This time, I simply said yes, even as I weakly reminded the placement coordinator of our concerns about him turning a year old and having to be moved again.

Now, before I go on, I feel I need to say two things.  One...most GALs are very good volunteers who really do have the best interest of the child at heart, including Sissy's.  I think she let some personal prejudices cloud her judgement in this case, but overall she was a good GAL to both Sissy and her brothers (we adopted one and friends of ours adopted two others).  Two...the placement coordinator has NEVER been this insistent on me taking a child before (that should have been my first clue this was God's doing...but my own grief and personal feelings got in the way of what God was trying to do).  If you are considering fostering, please don't see this as the norm or a reason to avoid doing what God is calling you to do.  They do NOT force you to take a child you don't feel able to care for...EVER!  I have a great relationship with the placement coordinator and there have been times when she has presented me with a case where I didn't feel it would be a good fit, and she's totally respected that decision.  I believe the ONLY reason I kept getting presented with this case as a possible placement is because God Himself wanted these children in our home for a very specific reason!  And I am just now beginning to understand that reason.

It's not often we get a glimpse of God's plan book...and almost always we see it in hindsight when we do get that glimpse!  Or at least that's the way it's been for me.  There have been times when I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that a decision was what God had planned for me even though I didn't totally understand why...and most often it didn't make sense at the time.  Those are the ones where I have received abundant blessings for my blind obedience!  But most often, I have no clue why He allows what He does until I look back and am able to trace His hand.  This was one of those times.

You see, if we had been allowed to adopt Sissy, we would not have been able to take Smiley or his sister (yes, she's with us, too) as a placement because we would not have had enough beds or spaces in the car for them.  And I would not have had the opportunity to mentor their mom.  I am now confident that is exactly why God allowed Sissy to be adopted by someone else, another Christian family, and why she couldn't be mine.  God had a greater purpose.  Smiley's mom has no support system...but she's totally open to advice of others that will help her be a better mom.  She has come to church with us and I invited her to join our MOPS (Mothers Of PreSchoolers) group.  Her response when I invited her to MOPS was, "I don't know what that is...but if it will help me be a better person or a better mom, I'm all for it!"  My heart swells with joy as I watch the progress this young woman has made...how much she loves her kids...and how she's determined to make a better life for them!  I would have missed all of that if I had gotten MY will in Sissy's case.  So, with greater understand, I can release my grief over losing Sissy and say confidently to my Heavenly Father - not MY will, but THY will be done!  :)

What does "Least of These" Mean?

As I thought of a name for this blog, "Loving on the Least of These" kept coming to mind...but I struggled with that because I didn't want anyone to think that adopted or foster children were any less than biological children.  And then I found this verse in my Bible...and suddenly, it made sense!

"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world.  For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.' Then the righteous will answer him saying, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink?  And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you?  And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?' And the King will answer them, 'Truly, I say to you, as you did it to ONE OF THE LEAST OF THESE my brothers, YOU DID IT TO ME." ~Matthew 25:34-40 ESV (capitilization added by me for emphasis)

So...when I invite a foster child who is scared, dirty, hungry, and/or thirsty into my home and I give her food, drink, clothes, a warm bed to sleep in, toys to play with, and love equal to what my own children feel, then I am doing this to Jesus!  Aren't we ALL the "least of these" after all?  And so...the blog is named without any further hesitation.

For those of you who don't know me, all of my children are either adopted or foster (and at least one of them was a foster child we had the privilege of adopting).  I had been a foster parent many years ago when I was single and just wanted to be a mom.  Then I moved and found my Prince Charming. When we got married and faced infertility issues, I knew I could not handle the emotional toll of fostering at that moment, and so we looked to private adoption to build our family.  We were blessed to adopt a baby boy at birth and I even had the blessing of being in the delivery room when he was born.

Eight years later, we had started the process to become foster parents when we got a call from the agency we used to adopt our first son...his birth mom was pregnant again and wanted us to adopt the sibling.  We couldn't say no...even though we had NO idea how we were going to financially afford another private adoption!  But we trusted God (that's another story for another day) and He provided everything we needed...down to the last penny!  Then couple years later, we went back and finished our foster care licensing and became official foster parents.  We have since adopted one of our foster sons.  I have been pregnant once, when my oldest was about 3 years old, but that pregnancy ended in miscarriage at about 12 weeks.

I have never taken much stock in the "once you adopt, then you'll get pregnant" rule...even though that's what people said when we got pregnant 9 years ago.  That's what people always say when you adopt after facing infertility.  As if adoption is a cure for infertility...a path to get what you really wanted in the first place.  One of my very dear friends asked me with a genuine curiosity if I would have become a foster parent if I had been able to have biological children.  And my answer to her is as true today as the day I had that conversation with her...yes, I believe I would!  I do not foster because I have never given birth to children...I foster because I have a love for children and I believe that's what God has called me to do!

Sure, I feel like I've missed out on something as a woman by not being able to feel a child growing in my womb.  While I did get to hear the heartbeat of our little angel baby before he left this world too soon, I did not get to feel his movements within my body.  I did not get to feel his kicks.  I did not get to feel the hardness as he pressed up against my belly in preparation for his birth.  I did not get to experience his birth or the joy that surrounds a new mom in the hospital after the birth.  No visitors bearing baby-themed cards and balloons.  No meals provided by excited friends hoping to get a first glimpse of the new baby.

Even when we brought a 2-day old foster baby home from the hospital, there were no celebrations of her life.  No showers for her, no meals, no excited friends visiting.  She simply came home to the excitement of everyone in our home...especially her older brother.  This saddens me...mostly because I feel these children deserve to be celebrated every bit as much as a biological child.  Is it because these kids are often gone too soon?  Perhaps.  But there are no guarantees...even with biological children.  I see in the news where children are born to a family and then because of SIDS or carelessness, or a mom suffering from postpartum depression or some other tragedy, these children meet Jesus before they've barely had a chance to live on this earth.  None of us is promised tomorrow...so why should these children be any different?

My point is this...we may think of foster children as the "least of these" - and they are...but so are we!  We are all the least of these!  And when we care for others in a time of need, we are showing love to Jesus.  Foster children and adopted children are no less important, loved, or desired than biological children...or at least they shouldn't be.  I can not imagine (nor do I want to) what would would have happened to my 2 year old son if there hadn't been people who did not share his DNA to love him.  We have a 3 year old little girl in our home right now who has lived with us longer than she has lived with the parents who gave her life...and considers us as much her family as the family she was born into.  Just a few days ago, a 6 year old little girl who didn't even share my skin tone (let alone my DNA) and had only been with us just over a month clung to me in tears as she was faced with biological family members who loved her and wanted to take care of her.  To her, I was more family than them.  She did not care that my skin was light and hers was dark.  She did not care that their skin was as dark as hers.  All she knew is that she was loved every bit as much as the other kids in my home while she was there and she did not want to let that go...and quite honestly, neither did I.  I knew it was the right thing to do.  I knew it was best for her because she would be able to be closer to her siblings, whom she had a very close relationship with.  But, I did not want to let her go. I'm not sure any mother WANTS to let her child go...no matter how well planned the separation is or when it takes place.

When I was single and just starting fostering, God gave me a verse that even though I wasn't sure I liked it, it resonated with me...and somewhat makes sense.  The verse I found back then and wrote in the scrapbook I started of my foster children was from Isaiah 54:1 and said, "Sing, O barren woman, you who never bore a child; burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never in labor; because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband," says the Lord.

Now, you would think it was the "desolate woman" part I'd have a problem with...but remember, I was single when I found that verse & I was afraid that meant I'd never get married. I was sure that was a sign that I'd never have a husband - but I now know that not to be true.  :)

Today, I found that same verse in The Message version, which is a paraphrase of the Bible.  I think it's more fitting.  Here's what it says:

"Sing, barren woman, who has never had a baby.  Fill the air with song, you who've never experienced childbirth!  You're ending up with far more children than all those childbearing women."  God says so!  "Clear lots of ground for your tents!  Make your tents large.  Spread out!  Think big!  Use plenty of rope, drive the tent pegs deep.  You're going to need lots of elbow room for your growing family.  You're going to take over whole nations; you're going to resettle abandoned cities.  Don't be afraid - you're not going to be embarrassed.  Don't hold back - you're not going to come up short..."   ~Isaiah 54:1 MSG

So...even though I sometimes wish I had been given the joy of experiencing pregnancy and childbirth, I know that every child placed in my home for foster and/or adoption has been placed by God and they all are my heritage!  I love them and pray for them from the moment they enter my home as if they had been born of my body.  I could not possibly love any of these children more even if they shared my DNA!  And because of that, I have more children than even the Duggars!  LOL!  ;)

If you feel God is calling you to foster or adopt, I would LOVE to have the opportunity to talk with you about it!  It will be the hardest thing you'll ever love doing!  <3